Are techies poly? Or are polyamorous people techies?

Are engineers really more likely to be polyamorous?

This looks and feels a bit more like a subtle advertisement for a poly dating website, but it has a few interesting morsels of food for thought. It often appears that a number of the Utah Polyamorists (who actively attend meetups for our group, or that regularly engage fellow members online) are technically savvy and are bent toward engineering-related fields.

If we were to conduct a census, would that feeling stack up against the numbers? Could we draw anything from it? It may be that polyamorists who are more technical to begin with come forward to join online forums and utilize new forms of digital dating, rather than those folks composing a good percentage of the overall polyamorous population pie.

What do you think?

(I.)

 

Polyamorous Civil Rights?

Polyamory Is Next, And I’m One Reason Why

This article is definitely not clear on what’s “next” for polyamory, though I assume it’s civil rights and more formal recognition of individuality outside the constraints of a standard monogamous marriage model. But there are likely as many questions around how to do that as there are ways in which to practice polyamory.

Should we look to have marriages make room for open relationships and polyamory? Or should we instead focus on improved individual rights and look to get rid of marriage entirely?

If we open things up to permit polyamorous marriages, that would certain add layers of complexity to a variety of elements in life: divorce, custody or property rights, and all the way down to who the primary contact is for a child in school.

Are we taking all the romance away from marriage (particularly with America’s focus on marrying for love) by turning the system into something more akin to contract law? Do poly families simply need a cut and dry method for creating a small legal entity (like an LLC) to be recognized in society? Would that take all the fun out of it?

With the battle for equal marriage having made great strides, it would also be prudent to look at what it took to gain that recognition – asking our government to strip away “marriage” entirely at this stage would be a very long battle. Polaymorists would not have the support of the monogamous queer community behind them, either.

All that aside, there is a general problem in the author’s argument. They discuss independence and individuality without ever looking at the potential desire or need for splitting from their partner and co-parent in order to become truly solo and self-reliant.

A final question after reading this article might instead be…is the author truly polyamorous? Or are they just looking to add some spice into the bedroom of their existing relationship? Is this person looking at and approaching poly from the right perspective?

(I.)

This video has some interesting information, though it is NSFW.
Enjoy!

Discussion points we covered in the Facebook group included:

  • Some personal stats and experiences,
  • Repression of sex and sexuality in the US (and Utah) culture(s),
  • Apparently there are several poly folks with semi-porn sex lives.

What do you think?

Random click bait for you all.

Dating two people at once: why I’m polyamorous and proud

There’s actually a fair amount of discussion that goes on in our Facebook group around sexuality and polyamory. This article touches on a few things that hit close to home for me. Having come out a fair few times (first I was an atheist, then I was queer, then I was gender variant, and now I’m out as poly), it can be rather tricky to traverse all the closets.

There’s a stigma for queer people, either gay males or bisexuals of any gender, that we’re required to be sexually promiscuous. So in some respects there’s a cultural acceptance that we’ll be open, but the understanding is that it’s not necessarily an open and ethical arrangement. We just cheat, right?

Wrong.

Polyamory can be a lot of work. And there are a lot of people who don’t necessarily practice it in healthy ways. But reading about examples of folks from a variety of sexualities can be helpful for us all to find a form of polyamory that works for us.

As we work to change some of those stereotypes around sexuality, polyamory gives us a good system (though we all build our own structures) for expressing our desire, practicing ethical non-monogamy, and helping to build a new culture.

-Isaac

Sunday Clickbait

To kickstart some content and help provide some reading and resources for our lovely Utah Poly folks, here’s a link!

Am I a Fool for Opening My Marriage, Or Can I Learn to Be Okay with My Wife Having a Lover?

I think a lot of people find themselves in this boat as they venture into poly from existing monogamous relationships (or a history of being monogamous, even). “…[W]hat can happen when we are so afraid of losing our One Good Thing [is] that we in fact cause our worst fears to come true.”

Feel free to comment on your experiences around overcoming the initial fears and jealous pitfalls you may have encountered early in poly – and how you worked through it! Enjoy!